Because I'm A Man
Because I'm A Man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle
with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call
a road service until long after hypothermia has set in.
Because I'm A Man, when the car isn't running very well, I will
pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking
at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I
used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these
computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
Because I'm A Man, when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me
soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get
as sick as I do, so for you this isn't an issue.
Because I'm A Man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to
find exotic items like "Cumin" or "Tofu". For all I know these are
the same thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to
pick up anything for which "feminine hygiene product" is a
Because I'm A Man, when one of our appliances stops working I
will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just
cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to
put it back together.
Because I'm A Man, I must hold the television remote control in
my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may
miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was able to
survive by holding a calculator).
Because I'm A Man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking
about. The answer is always either sex, racing, or football, though
I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't.
Because I'm A Man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have
your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for mother's
day is okay, I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up
something for my Mom too!!
Because I'm A Man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.
Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't.
Because I'm A Man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought
what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without it looks fine. Your hair is
fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
Because I'm A Man, and this is the new millenium, I will share
equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the
gardening, the cleaning, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.