Plumbers:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
  

 
 
A non-smoking area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
 
 
 
A maternity room door:
"Push. Push. Push." 
  

 
 
A tire shop:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
 
 
 
An optometrist's office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."


 
 
A podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
 
 
 
Pizza shop slogans:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

"Buy our pizza. We knead the dough."
  

 
 
Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." 
 
 
 
A veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" 
  

 
 
A gynecologist's office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix." 
 
 
 
The electric company:
"We would be de-lighted if you pay your bill. However, if you don't, you will be." 
  

 
 
A plastic surgeon's office:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"  
 
 
 
A restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."
  

 
 
A sign at a radiator shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
 
 
 
On a butchers window:
"Pleased to meat you."