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Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim.
Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet...
The Miracle Toddler Diet.
(You may want to consult your doctor before trying this diet.
If not, you may be seeing him afterwards.)  Good Luck !!!

Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. 
Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. 
Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a 
glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.

Bedtime Snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.


Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it.
Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.
Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of
Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.
Afternoon Snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, 
drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. 
Then bring inside and drop on rug.
Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your 
left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.

Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, 
rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After
breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on 
the cushion of best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several 
bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. 
Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an 
olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of 
sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.
Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. 
Find that sucker and finish eating it.
Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on 
plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

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