July 18
I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is
the best online service I can get. They even included a free
CD! I'd better hold onto it incase they don't ever send me
anther one! I can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.
July
19
Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a
modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb
does he think I am?
July
22
I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It
wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July
23
I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old
next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I can't get
online.
July
25
That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America
Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy.
But he says that's just another service. What a modest kid.
He's so smart and he does these services for people. Anyway
he's smarter then the jerks who sold me the modem. They didn't
even tell me about communications software. Bet they didn't
know. And why do they put two telephone jack holes in the back
of a modem when you only need one? And why do they have one
labeled phone when you are not suppose to hook it to the phone
jack on the wall? I thought the dial tone sounded funny! Boy,
are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it out by the
sound.
July
26
What's the internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not
this internet thing. I'm confused.
July
27
The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this
America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says
that he is compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after all.
July
28
I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer
but nothing happened. Maybe I need to buy a microphone.
July
29
I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I'm
connected to America Online not usenet.
July
30
These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters.
How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital
letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.
July
31
I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT
NOT HAVING A CAPITAL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT
WAS THIS CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD
HIM I GOT A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF
MY SHIFT KEYS ISNT THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THATS A
STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT
ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE
I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR
CONVERSATION.
August
1
I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT
CAN ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE
QUESTIONS ABOUT THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.
August
2
I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS JOKE
ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER
SIDE! HA! HA! I WASNT SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56
MORE TIMES.
August
3
I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON'T NOW SPIDERS
GREW THAT LARGE.
August
4
THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS RUDE.
I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO
REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASNT SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED
IT 22 MORE TIMES.
August
5
SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO USE
PROFANITY.
August
6
SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES. WHAT
A STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST
TYPING! HOW CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?
August
7
Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it? Its
probably an extra feature that costs more money.
August
8
I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so excited.
I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions
and posted it to every newsgroup I could find.
August
9
I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I will
have to work on it some more.
August
10
I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few
posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the
face of the earth. I wonder what an aol is.
August
11
I was asking where to find some information about something.
Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and
looked but I can't find that group.
August
12
I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking
where the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help. I
cant ask the kid next door. His parents said that when he
comes back from my house he's laughing so hard he can't eat or
sleep or do his homework. So they wont let him come over
anymore. I do have a great sense of humor. I don't know why
the rec.humor group didn't like my chicken joke. Maybe they
only like dirty stuff. Some people sent me posts about my 56
posts of the joke and they used bad words.
August
13
I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet
asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to
include my new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I
know everyone will want to read my favorite poem so I included
it. I'm also going to add that short story I like.
August
14
Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I
told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.
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