The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Before marriage, a man Yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "Y" becomes silent.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error...

For people who like peace and quiet; a phoneless cord.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?